Do you ever feel like?

Do you ever feel like just screaming in pure frustration and because you are just flat out overwhelmed?

Lately that is how I have been feeling. I guess I need to spend more time relaxing and finding that inner peace and security. Lately, however, I feel like my life is not mine to control and I really hate that. I know that you can't control everything in your world but sometimes I think I should be able to control more than I do.

It just seems like there is so much negative energy surrounding me and I don't know how to escape it. I try to think positive. I try to be zen about things and say that things happen for a reason even if I don't know the reason at the time. I try to remind myself to control the things I can and to let the others just do what it is they are supposed to do.

However, it is HARD to do that. It is hard to let go of worries and fears. It is hard to trust that things will be okay in the future. I want to go back to a world where I didn't have to constantly worry about whether I would have a job at the end of the week because of an economy that seems to be yo-yo'ing back and forth. I get so close to accomplishing my goals and while I can see the finish line, I fear I will never cross it.

I worry about my kid's and their future. What does it hold for them? Am I doing enough for them? I think I am. They seem to be okay even on the days that I wonder why I am sending them to their rooms for the 4th time that day. I know it's for their own good though and that there are lessons to be learned.

My life gets so busy sometimes that I don't know if I am coming or going and then the next thing I know the alarm is going off and it is time to start all over again. I know I am sleep deprived. I wake up too many times in the night not to be. I can never figure out exactly what it is that wakes me up. A dream? A noise? A child crying out? A dog barking outside? Wind? Who knows?

I guess I just need to take more baths. I need to take more time for ME and ME alone. I have a hard time with that because I always put everyone else FIRST and if there is time for me, then I will take it. I have to remember that sometimes I need to put ME first.